September 04, 2006

Double Dip

This portrait was taken for an online Self-Portrait challenge I participate in every month:

It has been eight weeks, and every time I talk about you, I feel like I am stuck in some repetitive cliché, but I don’t care because you have made everything in my life meaningful. I have always believed that as human beings, we are capable of feeling a range of differing varieties of love, but I never realized that I was capable feeling the emotions you bring out in me. Just by looking into your eyes as I give you your bottle, or as the two of us hum to your lullabies, I feel like there is hope for us all. You are so flawless, untainted and pure. I not only love you because you are my flesh and my daughter, but because in you, I see a future that feels promising.

I am sure many first time parents feel this way, but you make me feel unique and special. Staring at you, I feel like I am the first person to be doing this, and I will never let you down. You bring out qualities in me I have been ignoring my whole life. You make me want to be a better man. You make me want to create, and love, and care, and live every second to its fullest, so as not to let you down. I don’t ever want to cut any corners because I don’t want you to miss anything. I will not shield you from the suffering of the world, but I hope that I can prepare you to overcome it with optimism and love.

You are truly a wonder, and through your virtue you help reconnect with a side of me I have not been in touch with since I was a child. We are now a team, forever bound by wordless promises made each night as you fall asleep. Unaware who is the teacher and who is the student, we have a lifetime to try and bring about our own version of peace, a peace that may someday spread to your children. A peace that is created with mindfulness, so that it may even spread far and away to the niches where it is needed most.

Love is the most inadequate word in all the world’s languages. There are no words to describe my feelings for you. There is no lexicon to express what it feels like to hold you in my arms, kiss you on the nose, and rock you to sleep. I have never felt this sensation and already, I know that I would not be able to live without it.

1 comment:

  1. Marjan7:09 PM

    You are so good at writing. Your text make me feel that I want to have a little baby girl like Kaia too. I look at her photos everyday and I really understand your feeling. She is great.